I had the honor and pleasure of being interviewed by artist extraordinaire Miggs Burroughs and Exhibition Curator Carole Erger-Fass from my current studio in Atlanta, Georgia as part of their Studio Tours. Covid-19 has kept me from my back-and-forth to Westport, but with Zoom, we were able to conduct this interview. The pandemic was the theme of artwork in progress and a stream drawing we did at the end of the interview. Here is a video link to the interview on Youtube, as well as a link to the Youtube video of the stream drawing imagery with notes (kind of cool what came up as far as ethical issues concerning the pandemic). See below images and notes, also, from the stream drawing. Thank you again, Miggs Burroughs, Carole Erger-Fass and the Westport Public Library!
One feels threatened (jabbing sharp angle at solar) is in a creative position at piano or drawing board etc. Creating while afraid or worried is often the best way to allow ideas to solutions to arrive. Thinking is not necessarily the best approach! Creating is a way of releasing mental stress and letting answers come via intuitive, imaginative and spiritual (3rd eye surprises!) ways. As if “out of the blue”. Being creative through pandemic stress is essential.
In this image, we see a lion (go forth with courage!) and to the left, two important archetypes: the firefighter (rescuer) and cowboy (rough-ready pioneer spirit). We have been in emergency mode but have not, ironically, properly cared for (as a society) our first responders. This forces us to question where we are in our culture as far as our values–how is it we live in a society that does not value its first responders enough to prepare them to prepare us for an emergency? The cowboy is a symbol of venturing into the unknown, willing to do that with real ability to adapt, come what may. A pandemic throws so much into our lives in the way of unknowns, it requires a lot of expansion, but can we do it without destroying others in the process? Notice the entire image of the firefighter and cowboy is encompassed by a heart–we have to decided collectively what our true values are and how to put that into action personally and societally.
Stream Drawing Meditation/General Meditation on Coping with Pandemic May 26, 2020
In this stream drawing meditation, a general one for us all, many archetypal themes were visual present. First, that of the brave scout who faces the future (at the crown, on the right, facing right or “future”) which in itself is an optimistic posture. One who can begin to imagine the future through a pandemic is beginning to see through the haze. For a few months there it was not easy to see beyond the shock of the reality that a killer virus was altering our lives, and ending many. With this positive image is the number 4, for me in part symbolizing security and balance. Something most of us long for–especially through uncertain times. It appears with the image of a dog, forlornly (perhaps) looking at the past. The dog longs for past comforts. Dog stands for “trust” and “loyalty”. Is it possible that what we once trusted is no longer so trustworthy? The job, the overall structure of the system, the “way we do things” etc? Therefore, this calls us to question everything, including the other aspect dog symbolizes–loyalty. When a pandemic throws it all into the air, and when our ways are threatened or changed, we get to ask, or are forced to ask ourselves what are we loyal to, and are those things deserving of our loyalty and devotion? Had we given our time and focus to that which was not worthy or to that which is no longer sustainable for us? And on the left–a lovely image there in the crown reminding us that we are not alone in our struggles, we have spiritual help and really good ideas–new ways of perceiving ourselves, new ideas about how to go about things, new based on things we have learned in the past, perhaps–but peaceful coping skills. Don’t imagine yourself alone through all of this!
Moving down to heart chakra, we see a proud, puffed up bird. Ready to get going, ready to strut. This could be the shadow side of pride, the kind that might force the world to get back to where it was too fast. Maybe it will never get back to where it was, and maybe jumping too fast to force it will be an egotistical mistake. Many might get sick and die because of this “prideful” action. Some may say it was worth it, after all, we all die one day, right? But whether it is pride that can set us up for difficult life challenges, or a proud bird simply ready to thrive, to dance and say, “I love life!” the heart is awake for moving onward. The best way to move forward, indicated here by the number 2, for me is signified by grace (the swan). Grace is acquired via forgiveness. Not holding ourselves (or others) hostage to inner toxic emotions such as rage, hostility, animosity, or regret or blame. We thrive best by forgiving. It takes a while to forgive, but we do truly thrive once we are weightless without the heavy burdens of negative emotion.
And just below that, we have two aspects of self (one looks at where one just was, perhaps a few months ago?–and one looks at where one is headed). The self sees change and asks, “Who me?” And the answer to that is, “Yes, you!” Change is upon us. Why not change things the way we always wanted it to be? Some things can change for the good, but like all real good change, it has to start from within. We have to change from inside-out in order to see the world be a better place. And this is in the sacral, the most powerful place for creating within us. Below that, at the root, is a bold bird, facing past. To have a bird at the root is a good sign to be grounded, yet with the bird’s-eye-view, as if soaring high above the fray. To not be subject to the past (to not feel the sting of it so much) we are actually grounded in learning but with the best sense of insight and vision for how to fly forward. To see the YouTube video of this, click here.
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In times when we are so uncertain (like many phases of life) we are caught between a sensation of pining for something we are missing, or struggling under the pressure of grief, having the feeling of great loss upon us. I have sensed these emotions in a few life eras, such as throughout a shattered marriage in where nothing I could do would alter the course, or in no longer parenting with children at home, or through life-changing moves to new locations. Health crises and other burdens can shake us into places where we may ask for guidance from God outward and to our inner-most core, which I have certainly done. Poised awaiting, my trembling hand upon an open ear, expecting yet not hearing that golden bugle announce an answer with sublime ringing clarity so as to melodically lift me to a blissful new personal stratosphere. Huh. And so I sat like a lump, a disappointing dollop of melting vanilla ice cream upon a hot sidewalk. Then, I’d fight that self-image and rise up more like Jacob and wrestle the angel who refused to bring me the messages I sought. With angst and fevered inner lava flowing through my heart and extremities, I realized I was not a fallen ice cream cone, nor was I very good WWE fighter. I was caught somewhere in the middle.
Bewildered. To be bewildered is to be lost in a wilderness without knowing where to go, although the beauty of the word suggests to me a wondrous adventure. Like Hansel and Gretel, shouldn’t I be excitedly hearing every bird guide me, if even to the witch’s evil candy-house trap at first, with her awful oven she may shove me into, knowing eventually I will end up in the best situation by the end of my tale? Why do I find the state of bewilderment so frightening, so confusing and so painful?
Eventually pain and fright is so exhausting, the wrestling or sorrowful self-melting so self-defeating, I had a moment of clarity. The bugle did sound. I realized recently that being bewildered is an answer unto itself. Just as Jacob’s wrestling match with the angel was part of the relationship with a great mysterious force of love we call God, with the creative power we do not and will not ever truly understand, but that we are made of, struggling is part of the relationship. We struggle with ourselves. Being bewildered is part of our answer. It is at times THE answer.
During this time when a pandemic has left us with a magnified sense of bewilderment, unable to use external distractions to lighten our inner struggles with inner voids we have not come to terms with yet–unable to make “normal” plans, unable to do things as we once did (I joke that every time I get an iced-tea with a splash of sweet at the drive-thru, I risk my life and everyone can say so at my Zoom-morial), the sensation of utter bewilderment as to how to orient ourselves causes most of us to weep and weep often. But that does not mean we are lost on the journey. It does not mean we are in the wrong place. We are where we are, and can find great meaning in it. As Viktor Frankl so wisely said when he was faced with Concentration Camp horrors, “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” This bewilderment will change us in ways that will make the truth ring out with spectacular clarity. Bewilderment has become a place I have accepted as refuge, for now.
